Friday, August 19, 2011

Take Me Home

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home.

"Oh Morris", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! How could you get lost?"

Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear, Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost. I was just too tired to walk home."

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Unanswered Call

This story involves the pastor of a store front church. The pastor's church is called Almighty God Tabernacle. On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but he decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.

The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn't figure out what the guy was talking about. Then the guy said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." The pastor remember the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife. The man said, "That's OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed 'God, if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the Caller ID and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was too afraid to answer!"

Monday, August 15, 2011

You Are Loved

May you find happiness
in every direction your
paths take you.
May you never lose
your sense of wonder,
and may you hold on to
the sense of humor
you use to brighten
the lives
of everyone who
knows you.
May you go beyond the
ordinary steps
and discover
extraordinary results.
May you keep on trying to
reach for your stars.
May you never forget how
wonderful you are.

May you always be patient
with the problems of life,
and know that any clouds
will eventually
give way to the sunlight of
your most hoped-for days.
May you be rewarded
with friendships
that get better and better,
and with love that blesses
your life forever.

May you meet every challenge
you are faced with,
recognize every golden
opportunity, and be blessed
with the knowledge
that you have the ability to
make every day special.
May you have enough
material wealth to meet your needs,
while never forgetting that
the real treasures of life
are the loved ones and friends
who are invaluable to the end.
May you search for serenity,
and discover it was within
you all along.

May you be strong enough
to keep your hopes and
dreams alive.
May you always be
gentle enough
to understand.
May you know
that you hold tomorrow
within your hands,
and that the way there
will be shared with the makings
of what will be your most
wonderful memories.
And may you always remember,
each step along the way...

You are loved more than words
can ever begin to say.

Poem by R.L. Keith

For my people... you know who you are

Saturday, August 13, 2011


The Pity Train has derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On, & crashed into We All Have Problems, before coming to a complete stop at Get the Hell Over It. Any complaints about how we operate can be forwarded to 1 (800) BITE-MYASS. This is Dr. Butthurt reporting LIVE from Quitchur Bitchin'. If you like this, repost it. If you don't..suck it up cupcake, Life doesn't revolve around you!

(Taken from a friend on FB)