Sunday, May 15, 2011

Quick Thinking

   A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

   Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"

   Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."

   Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

   The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

   Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear the dachshund says......................

"Where's that monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

(Oh ya. smart little doggie)

Thursday, May 12, 2011


   A funny story circulated recently about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes. Doyle evidently told of a time when he hailed a taxi in Paris. Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and asked, "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

   Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever seen him before.

   "No, sir," the driver responded, "I have never seen you before." Then he explained: "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always arrive. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."

   "This is truly amazing!" the writer exclaimed. "You are a real-life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock Holmes!"

   "There is one other thing," the driver said.

   "What is that?"

   "Your name is on the front of your suitcase."

(cute, real cute.)

Monday, May 9, 2011

A Son's love for his father, aaawwwww.......

The Written Word

   An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba,
  I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad

   A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
  For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES...
Love Bubba

   At 4 A. M. the next morning, F. B. I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad
  Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Bubba

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Double Dumbness

   Two fools were doing construction on a house. The guy who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over his shoulder or nail it into the siding.
   The other guy saw him tossing all the nails over his shoulder and asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
   The first guy said, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed towards me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding."
   The second guy was outraged. He yelled, "You fool! The nails pointed towards you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!" 

(yeah, yeah, old joke, still funny, though)