Daily Prayer

Dear Lord --
I'm proud to say, so far today
I've got along all right;
I have not gossiped, whined or bragged,
Or had a single fight.
I haven't lost my temper once,
Or criticized my mate,
I have not lied, I have not cried,
Or loudly cursed my fate.
So far today I've not one time
Been grumpy or morose,
I've not been spiteful, cold or vain,
Self-centered or verbose.
But, Lord, I'm going to need Your help
Throughout the hours ahead,
So give me strength, Dear Lord, for now
I'm getting out of bed.

You too, eh??

Absolutely Incredible

This man sees a sign in front of a house "Talking Dog Free to Good Home." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The man goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leader, cause no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The man is floored... but says to the owner, "This dog is amazing, incredible..... Why on earth are you giving him away?"

The owner replies, "He's such a liar."

I know, it's an old joke, but it still made you groan....

The Arrogance of Authority

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge. Show him your BADGE!"